A Shy Question, Answered with Laughter — AAAA’s Women’s Growth Salon Vol. 2 on “The Heart of Intimacy”

• Women’s Growth Salon Series · Vol. 2 · Sep 13, 2026 · Flushing, NY · a full house
• Theme: “The Heart of Intimacy — Is Physical Intimacy the Cornerstone of Marriage?”
• Moderator: attorney Mingli Chen · hosted by AAAA’s Family Law Committee, chaired by Louisa Wu, Esq.
• Dr. Fang Miao — “the graceful retreat,” and the question that quieted the room: when did you last really look at your partner?
• Dr. Junhong (June) Cao — a couple’s sex life reveals the dynamics of the relationship; beneath it lie fear, anxiety and insecurity
• Christopher A. Callaghan, Esq. — physical intimacy is not the cornerstone; covenant is not contract, and love means patience
• Closing remarks by AAAA President Yanfei Ran: law solves problems, but love, understanding and connection build families
• With thanks to Nord Coast and Tiancheng Law Firm · Vol. 3 on Oct 3: “Love and Money”

On the afternoon of Sunday, September 13, 2026, the Family Law Committee of the Asian American Attorneys Association (AAAA) held the second session of its Women’s Growth Salon Series at the Nord Coast Health Institute conference room in Flushing, New York. (Originally scheduled for September 5, the session was moved to September 13 so that the Labor Day holiday would not keep people from attending.)

The theme was, frankly, a shy one: “The Heart of Intimacy — Is Physical Intimacy the Cornerstone of Marriage?” In Chinese culture, sex has long been a word people avoid saying out loud, and more than a few guests arrived wondering whether an open conversation on the subject would simply be awkward.

Three hours later, the answer was clear: it was not. The room was full, the laughter was constant, and the line of people waiting to ask questions included women and men, young couples and grey-haired elders alike. A topic that might have made everyone blush turned instead into the most open conversation the series has held — thanks to three candid, professional guests and to the warm, witty moderating of attorney Mingli Chen — managing partner of iLead Law Group and widely known as AAAA’s finest master of ceremonies.

【Dr. Fang Miao — The graceful retreat】 Dr. Fang Miao, founder and chair of the Women’s Entrepreneurship Alliance and a global executive coach who has spoken at Harvard and elsewhere, had the room laughing from her first question — a joke that carried a serious point: many of our expectations of intimacy rest on assumptions that no longer hold. She spoke of “the graceful retreat”: knowing when to move toward a relationship and when to step back, and understanding that retreating well takes more wisdom and more courage than simply holding on. She also warned against blaming circumstances: “If you can’t swim, changing the pool won’t stop you from drowning.” And she offered a reminder about the cost of time — in a relationship, crying is billed by the hour, and it is expensive; every minute of inner conflict is spent from your own life. In the course of her talk, she posed two questions that left the room silent for a few seconds: How long has it been since you really looked at your partner? When was the last time?

【Dr. Junhong (June) Cao — Sex life reveals relationship dynamics】 Dr. Junhong (June) Cao, founder and president of Mind Connections Inc. and a licensed psychologist, has practiced in New York for more than a decade, focusing on marriage and intimate relationships. She admitted openly that “sex” is a taboo word in Chinese culture, and that early in her career she was reluctant to say it aloud herself — but is entirely at ease with it now. That admission alone set the tone for the afternoon.

Her central point: a couple’s sex life reveals the dynamics of their relationship. On the surface it looks like a sex problem — using sex as a reward or a punishment; disagreements over what is or isn’t wanted; mismatched needs; a sexless marriage in which partners become roommates. One layer down are the relationship patterns of control, pursuit, distance and avoidance. One layer deeper still lie fear, anxiety and insecurity. A change in frequency, she said, is an alarm bell — and what needs checking is not only the body but the whole relationship.

She also pointed to the intimacy that doesn’t look like intimacy: seeing something funny, sending it to your partner, and letting the conversation run from there — that, too, is intimacy. And the everyday criticism — “how did you cook this so badly, how did you get the floor so dirty?” — quietly dismantles the same foundation. Attorney Chen pressed with a question that had the room in stitches yet opened the discussion further: some say it hurts too much, like a tattoo, and so it’s off the table — but is pain only a woman’s prerogative, and does “pain and pleasure together” really exist? He also asked, on everyone’s behalf, the questions people are curious about but hesitate to raise: love through every season — which season is the most vivid and active for love and intimacy? And how long, exactly, is about right? Dr. Cao answered each of them plainly and professionally, without evasion.

【Christopher A. Callaghan, Esq. — The cornerstone of marriage】 Christopher (Chris) Callaghan, partner at Callaghan Law Office, introduced himself simply: “I am 54 years old, and I am just a human being.” His talk, “The Cornerstone of Marriage,” offered a biblical Christian perspective on intimacy, covenant and lasting love.

His answer to the session’s central question was direct: sex is not the cornerstone of a happy marriage. The true foundation, he said, is Christ; Genesis speaks of the man and the wife joining together — a union of the whole person, spiritual, emotional, relational and physical. He then drew the distinction the audience remembered most: covenant versus contract. A contract is an exchange — I perform because you perform, and if you break it I walk away. A covenant is commitment — I perform because I promised.

He followed it with a question that quieted the room: if your spouse were in an accident and could no longer have a physical relationship, what would your love look like then? His own answer: love means patience.

He also described two pathways to connection that many cross-cultural couples recognized at once. The wife says: understand my heart, and then I will share my love. The husband says: come closer to me, and then I will give my love. Each waits for the other to move first — and so neither does. Breaking that cycle, he said, often calls for the husband’s sacrificial love. And the most powerful repair in any relationship is a very short sentence: “I was wrong, please forgive me.” Forgiveness, he said, is the great thing that patches and repairs a relationship. As for the secret of loving the same person over a long life, he offered a line worth keeping: “Help me get to know this version of you” — because people keep changing, and the person to love is the one sitting across from you today, not the one from twenty years ago.

One of his slides read: Keep choosing each other — a line worth sitting with. Even when it isn’t easy, even when it isn’t perfect, even when life gets messy — keep choosing, in the small moments, every day. Real love isn’t luck; it’s a decision you make again and again.

【A room that would not stay quiet】 In the open discussion that followed, the energy ran so high the moderator struggled to get the microphone back. Husbands stood up to describe their own confusion; wives laughed and corrected them; elders shared what decades of marriage had taught them; younger attendees asked the most concrete questions of all. The topic everyone had expected to fall flat became the most open exchange of the afternoon — which may be the whole point: once a subject is finally allowed to be spoken aloud, it stops being part of the problem and starts becoming part of the answer.

【Closing remarks — AAAA President Yanfei Ran, Esq.】 In her closing remarks, AAAA President Yanfei Ran said the afternoon’s subject — the heart of intimacy — matters because as attorneys we spend our days helping people resolve problems of marriage, family, property and law, yet what every family truly has to tend to first is the understanding, communication and connection between people. AAAA hopes to be not only a professional platform for attorneys but also a community with warmth and mutual support, she said, and the Women’s Salon exists so that people can discuss what is hard to raise in public yet matters enormously to our lives and our families. Seeing so much genuine engagement, she said, the purpose of the afternoon had been met. She thanked the three guests, along with Nord Coast, Tiancheng Law Firm, and everyone who took part in and supported the event. She closed with a line that drew applause: “Law helps us solve problems, but love, understanding and connection are what truly help us build a family.”

【Hosts and supporters】 The session was presented by AAAA’s Family Law Committee, chaired by Louisa Wu, Esq. Association leaders and committee chairs attended in support, including President Yanfei Ran, Esq.; board member Lantao Sun, Esq.; Family Law Committee Chair Louisa Wu, Esq.; Events Committee Chair Jingjing Xue; CLE Committee Chair Wei Li, Esq.; and member Xiaoyu Xia, Esq., among others.

As the afternoon closed, moderator Mingli Chen offered an impromptu poem, “Spring Shoots”: Spring comes, and a few branches bud / the coming and going is what we await / body, mind and spirit in accord / of all things, this is what one longs for most.

【With thanks】 Our thanks once again to Nord Coast for an elegant, warmly arranged venue and for the refreshments and fresh fruit that kept the atmosphere relaxed throughout; to Tiancheng Law Firm for co-hosting; and to Chinese Families For Christ (CFC) for their participation and support.

【Next: Vol. 3 · October 3】 Women’s Growth Salon Vol. 3 — “Love and Money: Keeping Family Finances from Hurting the Relationship” — will be held on Saturday, October 3, 2026 in Flushing. Having talked about body and mind, we turn next to money: another subject that strains relationships and that no family can avoid. Free to attend; seating is limited; advance registration required. Venue details to follow.

Registration · guest speakers · partnership and sponsorship — please contact: Louisa Wu, Esq., Chair of AAAA’s Family Law Committee (louisa@wulawgroup.com); Yanfei Ran, Esq., President of AAAA (yran@ileadlaw.com · 718-939-9000 / 9008); Jingjing Xue, Chair of AAAA’s Events Committee (jingjingxue123@gmail.com).